It's the small things

One of the things I love most about being a mummy is the way Grace is fascinated by small ordinary things. Yesterday while we were having tea Grace was sat staring at the camera case on the table and happily played with it for about 10 minutes (which in her world is a long time!!)

Rotine Routine Routine

During the many long months of waiting for baby boyd to arrive in the world Mr B and me decided that we were going to be laid back in our approach to routine with baby boyd. That we would have routine when needed but not follow it to the minute of the hour and thus get rid of normal life and activities. This we have done, baby boyd goes everywhere and anywhere quite happily: church services and meetings, choir concerts, people's houses she has even been to her first hen party!!

But during the first week of the Easter holiday I noticed I was feeling bereft and missing something and what was it? Routine!! Somehow gradually over days and weeks left at home by ourselves routine has developed and emerged, it's not rigid, it's quite fluid really but we have it and we enjoy it and boy did I miss it. Last week we were away in the north east (that's a whole other story) and routine was no where to be found and we were all suffering without it!! So yesterday with half a mind on establishing some kind of fluid routine and the other half of my mind aware that looming vaguely on the horizon is my return to work and the need for baby Boyd to perhaps go to bed before 10pm so that I can at least pretend to be a teacher I designed a new but fairly strict routine of feeding and sleeping times.

Things have gone well on the first day of routine, I was feeling pleased but I knew it couldn't last and I was right. So as I write this baby Boyd is wailing and feeling sorry for herself abandoned to her cot at 8pm when normally she has the run of her gym downstairs and the attention of both parents. I wonder when she'll go to sleep??!! But it's good to have routine back with us again.

Friendship

Recently we've met up with quite a few friends from uni days (which seem so long ago and far away now) and it's got me thinking about friendship. You see, some friends from uni live near by and we see them quite often, others I seem to be in touch with through facebook. But on facebook you know what they're doing and you might know about the events of their lives but are you still friends? Would we be able to meet up and have things to talk about without feeling akward and uncomfortable?

Whereas some friends it seems to me might live far away but every time you see them, there's loads to talk about, you still care about them and are glad when they're happy and sad when they're sad - I like those kind of firends and am very grateful for those friendships. I just wish I saw them more often!
I also have friends from pre uni days who I see very rarely but ity's nice to see and there are friends from that time who I've lost touch with which I feel sad about.
Then there are friends we've made since coming to live in Cleveleys, people who haven't known us for long and didn't know us before we were Syephen & Hannah. But they're still friends and sharing in this chapter of our life.

I've also since giving birth made a huge effort to make friends with other mummys, people who understand that my life revolves around feeding, changing nappies, routines and sleep patterns. You see since I gave up work I feel I don't have as much to talk about that would interest my old friends, life is pretty boring at times. And so its been great to meet people in the same boat as me for a short while, people who don't know me as a teacher or Stephen's wife. These people only know me as Grace's mummy - I like that. And I hope that some of these friendships will last and continue, even after I've gone back to work and can no longer sit and chat for hours about injections, nappies, feeding times and health visitors.

All in all I feel very blessed to have so many wide and varied friends and friendships and I'm sorry to all of them if I talk about being a mummy too often!!

Long time no blog!

My goodness, I've not blogged in such a looonnnggg time but now that I'm a yummy mummy on maternity leave surely I should have time!!

The other reason I think I need to get back into blogging is that I've been completing a course: called to serve (and not enjoying it) since last September and I've just had to complete a self-assessment of the first two terms, which I struggled to do because I feel like since I became a mummy that has overshadowed everything else, so I struggled to remember what we studied in the first term or what i learnt from it. However my over riding conclusion is that I'm just not very good at being reflective. I enjoy talking, discussing and debating things but I'm just no good at reflecting on things, thoughts and experiences and yet I think blogging is good at encouraging this, so I'm going to set myself the challenge of blogging more often. It may also help keep the mummy brain at bay!!

You won't be surprised to learn that I had to reset my password even to get into my blog today!!

My head hurts

Now I'm not prone to deep thinking very often I leave that to other people see here and here but this week as I've been munching on my cheerios every morning I've been reading the latest edition of Christianity magazine and an interview with Terry Virgo who heads up Newfrontiers international has left me puzzled.

They don't agree with women teaching or having authority so women are not allowed to teach about the doctrine of God BUT they are allowed to teach about evangelism because that is seen as 'the proclamation of the Good News to the unsaved.' Now what is making my head hurt is that somewhere down the line of evangelism we have to teach people who know nothing about God about the doctrine of God. Where is the line? How do you know when you've passed it? I want to be facetious and imagine that some poor woman somewhere mid conversation with an unbeliever stops and says 'oh sorry I'm not allowed to teach you about this I don't have the authority I need to go and get a man.' What will the unbeliever think? Not sure that approach will win many into the kingdom.

The other thing that is really making my head hurt is the fact that despite this teaching, which I personally find a little comical never mind tenuous, is that actually God is blessing their work and ministry big time and that raises too many questions for me to process.

Anyone any wise suggestions?

Cherish

The boys at our Church (sorry men) have been nipping off to the men's Excel conference at Abundant Life Church in Bradford for a couple of years now and kept going on about how we ladies should go to the women's conference. My initial reaction was no way, I'm not sure why I just wasn't keen. Anyway as I'm prone to do I ended up organising a group of us ladies to go over half term. And I need to take back my annoyance at going, my oh it will be naff etc etc.

It was quite simply: awesome, life impacting and changing if I'm honest.

It's hard to describe if you've not been but you can search on Youtube and watch video highlights. But there's something about being with 1500 other women and being told that it's ok to be a woman and be a Christian and be called and have a vocation and a purpose and be reminded that you have influence no matter what you do. And it's more than ok to wear nice clothes and make up and care about how you look and be rubbish at baking (as I am) and be thin and be on fire and be crazy in a good way.

I'll be honest I came back affirmed. Affirmed by God that I am how he made me and that's good. I was inspired by some amazing women teaching the word of God honestly and with integrity. I felt affirmed in exploring my vocation and my giftings in Church. I loved being able to worship without being worried that old people we're tutting about me. It was great to take 7 other women with me and see God touch their lives while we were away.

So I'm going again next year, you'd be more than welcome to come with me!!
But we won't be staying in the ETAP hotel again, but that's another story!!!

PCC Meetings

Before I 'became an Anglican' (because really I'm not one!!) I always imagined PCC meetings were just like they are portrayed on the Vicar of Dibley random, boring and never ending.
However I am now an elected member of the PCC of my Church and have been to my first meeting and so I feel I may have to adjust my mental image of them because I don't want to label myself as being random, boring and never ending!! Someone told me they were looking forward to my being elected because I would bring life to what have previously been quite dry meetings - no pressure there then!!

In my first meeting on Monday we got to meet our new vicar who comes in September officially and August unofficially, I'm very excited about it because he seems like a fantastic people person who is willing to get stuck in and is excited about coming to lovely Cleveleys. He may also have won favour with me because he said he and his wife want to help out at the holiday club I'm organising and running in August - a very good start to his ministry here if you ask me. When it comes to the holiday club anything makes me happy!!

Friendship Ponderings

We're just back from a lovely holiday in Lanzarote which my other half has already blogged about here so I won't mention the holiday but I've been thinking and pondering about what I read on holiday. I've been wading and I mean wading through John Ortberg's 'Everybody's normal till you get to know them.' I've been reading it for ages and am finding it hard going, never having read anything by him before I can't decide if it's me or the style of the book or what but it has got easier to read and it has challenged me in the area of friendships.

He talks a lot about community and what it means to be in community, how to be in community effectively, how to have meaningful relationships, how to be close to people without getting hurt and that's where it has struck a chord with me. You see I have lots of friends (382 on facebook) lots of people who I can meet up with, have a coffee with, chat about this and that with but Ortberg challenges us to have around us a couple of people who know us very well with whom we are able to have unveiled faces, to be accountable, to be honest and to share the sticky stuff of life. Don't get me wrong I have Mr B and he is fab but over the past few months (maybe even past couple of years) I have felt a sense of wanting to have a friend with whom I can be that close and honest to share the hard stuff and find a listener still listening. At uni I had a couple of friends like that but ended up getting hurt and now I find there's no one around me who I see regularly with whom I can build that kind of relationship and maybe deep down I'm afraid of getting hurt again so spend more time by myself and in chatty chatty friendships as opposed to deep friendships. It's something I need to think and pray about: do I need that kind of relationship/friendship, is my thinking about it a sign that it is something that is missing from my life, how do I go about building that kind of relationship either with someone I'm already friends with or somebody new, do I need to stop being so busy and using that as a mask to finding and building meaningful friendships?

Hmm deep thoughts for a Friday evening, can't help but think I'm probably not the only person in the world thinking these things and that gives me hope.

Is this middle age?

I've always prided myself on being young at heart; I try to be trendy, I shop in trendy places, I do young people type things, I love loud music and hitting thirty appalls me but recently I've noticed a change.

Time was, when at uni I would spend time with my friends chatting, watching TV, going for a drink, going out for tea, shopping for clothes now with these same friends I find myself going to visit garden centres to look at plants!! And today I have planted a vegetable patch in my garden and I'm dead proud of it and excited about all the home grown produce I'll hopefully be eating this autumn (providing the slugs don't attack!) Here is the evidence to prove the hard work.

I'm worried...this must be middle age...someone help me please!!

Chocolate O chocolate

This year as I was still putting on weight and not eating very healthily I decided to give up chocolate for lent and eat fruit instead and I have done very well indeed. I've bought fresh fruit and natural yogurt from Tesco and every morning I've made little fruit salads for Stephen and I to have in our packed lunches and I haven't really missed chocolate at all.

However yesterday Stephen's parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary and they had been bought a chocolate cake which I had to eat to keep the in laws happy and .....I didn't enjoy my sliver of cake at all, could barley eat more than three mouthfuls - this could be a disaster or it could be a good thing only time will tell if i am able to return to my chocolate eating ways again or if this is the beginning of a whole new chocolate and caffeine free me.

A Lifestyle change may be needed

Have come home from Nexus, a bible study group at Church, totally fired up to sort parts of my life out and encourage some change so thought if I blogged about it, it would help set the wheels in motion.

Keith who is a retired minister who is part of our Church was speaking on Praying the Celtic Way and The Monastic Ideal alongside Desert spirituality. He is part of a dispersed community called the Order of St. Cuthbert and he was talking about the principles we can learn from Monasticism - it was pretty stirring stuff. Perhaps because I've been feeling gentle promptings from God lately about the amount of time I commit to spiritual disciplines/quiet times and about my work/life balance from all directions and this was like God was saying 'Ok Hannah, I've been saying it quietly now I'm going to shout louder so you pay attention.'

Keith used three key words to sum his talk up:
Withdrawal - into the desert
Encounter - with the Holy
Vocation - the call of God to ministry in the world.

We discussed withdrawal in four key areas: prayer, study, work and mission. Keith described work as being that which we do which we fell obligated or obliged to do and which consumes our energy and which if we're not careful can remove us from walking a way of prayer and withdrawal from God. This was like a hammer in my head! I spend all my time rushing about being a workaholic teacher, trying to cram in Church things like rotas and PowerPoint's and actually all of it means that I'm having a spiritual cash flow problem - giving out more than I take in and I know this has to change. I've already begun to think of times in my diary that I can block off to devote to prayer and study but I also think another side to it is going to have to be giving up the things I do because I feel I have to, when actually God hasn't necessarily called me to focus on them.

Some of it I guess ties in with my exploring my vocation within the Anglican Church and how that relates to me as a teacher but also on another level to my need to be helpful and to be 'busy' just for the sake of being busy!

I know it's going to be tough to put into practice but I do feel a conviction that I need to give this area of my life great priority at the moment and so I'm going to go with that.

Greetings Cards

Being of a slightly creative persuasion I sometimes make my own cards but rather too often lately there's no time so Ijust buy them. Now this would be fine except for the fact that all the cards in shops just don't appeal to me or say what I want to say.

Take for example my dad's birthday, now I don't really have a close relationship with my dad we've not lived in the same house since I was five, we don't live anywhere near each other, we may see each other twice a year at most but still as his daughter I feel it's important to send a birthday card and one that says dad. Admittedly I was late in remembering to buy a card this year but even so I went to three shops and all the cards that said dad on were all soppy and gushy about how dad's are amazing and helpful and lend you money and do things for you or drink beer - now my dad does none of those things, he likes red wine and he likes his garden but why can you not find a card that simply says 'happy birthday with love'

Is it too much to ask?!

A significant week

Most weeks seem to me follow the same old pattern of work, sleep, food, laughing, church, meetings and maybe the odd eventful or exciting thing.

But this week two events are happening which may in the future alter the life of Mr & Mrs B. The events themselves may not be that significant when they occur but feel significant contemplating them. On Tuesday Mr B is going to ring Lancashire Constabulary to apply for an application form to leave teaching and join the police. On Thursday I'm going to have my first meeting with a vocations advisor to consider my future in Christian ministry.

Both events are new, challenging and also exciting. As well as scary. It's at times like this I'm very grateful to be a Christian, at the start of a significant week where Mr B and I are setting off on a path not before travelled, we go knowing that there is One who has prepared the path for us, who will hold our hands and guide us as we go down the path and who knows what's at the end.
Here's to a significant week!

The Creative resolution

I just remembered I had 4 resolutions and I haven't mentioned my being creative resolution: in a word I haven't!!!

Bother not doing at all well am I?

Perhaps I should have made my resolutions more achievable like:
watch lots of Ally McBeal on DVD
check my facebook regularly
clean my house often
declutter my study
teach children for five days a week
enjoy the new series of Grand Designs on TV
Get annoyed at the people on superskinny versus supersize (don't you just love the term 'supersize'?)
Go to Church every Sunday

All of which I've done - easily!!!

2 months 1 resolution!!

Well it's almost the end of Feb half term and I have to say I'm proud of myself for arranging and spending some good quality time with some friends this week. I've seen people from uni and my old place of work and eaten lots of nice yummy food. So that's one resolution going well.

As for the other two... I brought home a ton of work and have done it all and I still can't fit in my trousers!!! Ha ha. I'm considering giving up chocolate for lent as the next drastic step. I've got two days to decide so will have a think.

My New Year's Resolutions

I know they're very late and not everyone agrees with setting new year's resolutions but this year I have made several. The reason for this is that when we came to write our annual Christmas letter Mr B had loads of things he had done in the past 12 months that were exciting and newsworthy and I had none!!

Oh dear what did I do with 12 months of my life?

All I could think of was: I got a new job and I had to get glasses hmmm not very much to account of 365 days of opportunities so I have set some goals to try and improve this year.

• I am not going to try and not be a workaholic because I have to admit I am
• To partake of some regular exercise, I have discovered in my 28th year of life that I can no longer eat as much food as I wish and still wear small size trousers!
• To spend more quality time with my friends, this will also hopefully help with the not being a workaholic
• To try and spend a bit more time being creative and particularly scrapping memories and events as a record to keep.

We shall see how I get on...

Two weeks into January I have managed my time better with regards to school but still far too busy, the laptop lives on my knee in the evenings. I have been for one jog but I have spent some super time with my friends and am going round for dinner with some friends tomorrow evening.

Rebel with a cause

Oh dear! I seem to have become a rebel at Church quite without realising it, let me explain. At the weekend we had a 24 hour prayer event to pray for the Church's general future, new vicar etc etc. We were asked to sign up to attend in one hour intervals and I was asked to lead one of these hours.

Now me being me I thought, well an hour is a long time to sit and pray for one thing so I'll have four fifteen minute session on different topics, I made some power points and was ready.

I decided to go to Church before my hour and join the people in the previous hour, this is when I noticed I'm a bit different - turns out that at prayer events we normally just sit in silence, in rows and pray in silence. I didn't know that. I moved the chairs into a semi-circle had the group praying out loud, had the PowerPoint's and generally had a really good hour of prayer. The people who were there said they'd really enjoyed it.

Next morning the organiser comes up to me and says thanks for doing the slot Hannah, I hear you moved the chairs. Oh dear again. But actually I am gobsmacked, I've been at this Church for over 18months now and didn't know that's what was always done. Well it isn't anymore. Apparently some other people used the chairs I'd set out as well so my rebel ways are spreading already.

Thank goodness is all I can say. Sorry if I'm making my Church sound boring and out dated, I'm quite sure they re not about most things but I was not designed to pray in silence for an hour and I'm not going to.

Now back to editing the Alpha talk for Saturday - my rebel ways continue, it's going to be shorter than the talks normally are!!!

2 months!!!

Oh dear, it has been far too long since my last post. My excuses will be lame so I won't bother.

Suffice to say my recollections of events of the past two months are not many:

• my new school is not laid back, is busy, busy and then some more busy.
• It's a challenge but ultimately I hope a good one (although there have been many dark moments when I have not felt very positive about my move.)
• I leave for work earlier than I did at my last school which is bizarre as it's only 5 minutes away from the house.
• I have been to 3 fabulous weddings.
• I have fantastic friends (lots of whom I saw at the weddings).
• I'm going to be an auntie next year, which is highly exciting.
• I discovered last Sunday afternoon, the first free day of half term, that as I had decided to leave so many 'jobs' that needed doing for Church till half term - I had better start quickly!! So in the past week I have prepared an Alpha talk, a quiz for all age service, a talk for the light party tomorrow and an hour slot for the 24 hour prayer event.
• I go to an excellent Church (filled with grace and imperfect people) - our Mission Action Plan for the coming year is super, forward thinking and achievable, which is a huge blessing.
• As to is our Parish profile while we look for a new vicar. If you are interested in finding out about this excellent church please look here or here.

I'll try to post more regularly!!

P.S. the Christening I went to was a lot longer than it said online but a very welcoming, friendly Church just a bit too high brow for moi!!

Punctuality

In the morning We are going to a Christening at St. Anne's-on-sea parish Church. I was emailed a link to the website to get directions which I have just done and was rather intrigued to read this:

Parish Eucharist
The main celebration of the day using contemporary language with hymns, full choir, Sunday School, and creche. Everyone is welcome.Every Sunday at 10:30 AM for 1 hour and 10 minutes.

How can they measure every service that precisely? What if an unforeseen thing arises and they run over to 1 hour and 15 minutes? Do people walk out? Also rather sadly wonder how the Holy Spirit is allowed to have his way if we stick that rigidly to time? Or do we not mention him?

Anyway I shall be timing very closely and will let you know!!

Glasses update

Well they have arrived and I've been trying to be good and wear them and I must admit rather shame facedly that actually things that used to be blurry now no longer are!!!

No photographs whilst wearing them allowed yet, so you can't see them...sorry.